this life is sacred…

my sweet little duncan doggie has terminal cancer. oral malignant melanoma. common to dogs his sex, age, breed, color…he basically had all the risk factors. we drive him weekly to raleigh, nearly 4 hours each way, for radiation treatment. he gets 6 pills a day now…for pain, for infection, for his doggie alzeihmers, for his incontinence. we are starting him on neoplasene (a holistic therapy) made from bloodroot. he can no longer eat hard food or greenies. but he is more lively than he’s been in months. he smiles more now, and comes to visit for snuggles and hugs more often. at night he sleeps curled up by my feet, my heart, my head…and the sweet snoring that i love, is also now a reminder of the tumour that is growing/shrinking within his little throat.

all this driving back and forth to raleigh gives me time to think. i wonder how much time we have? are we doing the right thing by him? have i been a good mama to him? yesterday i did the drive alone with duncan. he rested on the seat next to me and i had my right hand on his little body the whole way there and back. telling him he was loved and he was going to get better.

i remembered something. nearly 20 years ago, an old roommate told me a story about his dog. he came home from college for christmas break and his parents broke the news to him that his dog was dying with just a short time left to live. for all of break he slept with the dog. curled up on the floor in the kitchen and slept there wrapped around his best friend. he loved and loved and loved her…and the dog began to get better. my friend decided to stay home from school that spring, he wanted to be present with her as she transitioned and he spent every moment he could with his dog. and you know what? she lived. and for a good long time after that…

i know it’s a miracle. but it gives me hope. did he know what he was doing? or was it just the purity of his love for her that healed her?  i wonder what he whispered to her late in the night… and i hope somehow i can find those magic words that will keep little duncan with us for a good long time…

as i write this, i’m aware that a friend here is mourning the sudden loss of her good friend over the weekend, and that my new friend pixie is also possibly spending the last days with her beloved blue dog. this morning i read  jen gray’s blog and was struck by these thoughts she had on the perspective we get when death touches us…and sometimes passes us by:

“All those things,
the things of worry
the things of annoyance
the things of sadness
the things of distraction…

All those things that fill my mind day in and day out,
were immediately silenced.

And what replaced that space
has been a continued mantra of “this life is holy…this life is sacred…this life is to be cherished…”

The reality of this perspective has hit me so hard it’s taken my breath away.
(And it hasn’t given it back yet.)”

duncan may be “just a dog” to some, but i don’t value his life any less than i would if he were a person. he’s been my kid, and my teacher. he’s truly been the single constant in my life over the past 14 years. he’s been on my lap, at my feet, or in my backpack for endless adventures. he helped me grow up and he gave me stability when i needed it most. he makes me laugh with all his little idiosyncracies and habits and i’m so deeply honored he picked me so many years ago…

so hug your animals close. and your kids… your spouse… your lover… your friends…

this life is sacred.

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