it’s monday (a list)…

1. i’m so happy to be visiting with an aussie and two lovely ladies from korea (with  more to come!) at the burn magazine beach house workshop i’m running this week…

2. i so loved primary series at ashtanga yesterday morning…sundays are so, so special..and it sets the tone for my whole week

3. tomorrow we take little duncan doggie for his first cancer treatment…keep him in your thoughts, please

4. i didn’t do any creating this weekend, but i did spend some good quality time with and enjoyed brownies and guacamole with the divine miss tricia on saturday…

5. it is unseasonably cold here, but that means i get to enjoy wearing colorful hand-knit leg warmers, my favorite raspberry colored knit hat, and super-soft long sweaters (a few of my favorite things!) early this year…

and

6. swirly has anointed me as a book fairy! (see the cute little button over there on the right!) so keep your eyes out OBX lovelies…

~love~

…

you are lovely…

Sometimes it is necessary
to reteach a thing of its loveliness,
to put a hand on the brow of the flower
and retell it in words and in touch
“You are lovely …. You are lovely”
Until it flowers again from within of self-blessing.
~ american poet Galway Kinnel (via the gypsy girl)

i was reading an anusara yoga book last night and in it john friend describes his feeling about the purpose of yoga. yoga is about reconnecting us with our true nature ~ our divine nature ~ and reminds us that we are all one, intimately interwoven. in my reading last night, john friend took this idea even further. not only are we divine and made in the image of the divine, but in a kind of playful twist, our true nature has intentionally been hidden from us…so that again and again the divine can experience the joy and excitement of us rediscovering ourselves…

to experience us flowering again from within of self-blessing.

{contented sigh} lovely.

…

until my heart becomes a wing…

heartwood, found somewhere

i will not die an unlived life.
i will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
i choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
i choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.
~ dawna markovva ~

…

fall in north carolina means…

pretty painted toes AND my favorite jeans ever…with bonus happiness for the sweet little *flower* my pedicurist suggested today. my first :).

getting my toes done every couple of weeks is one of the two greatest luxuries of my life. i justify this indulgence since my bare feet are literally in people’s faces when i’m teaching yoga, so, it’s a necessity, no?

have a lovely weekend, sweet peeps.

xo

~

the quiet times…

creature hiding in plain sight, taken with iphone…

~
there are times in my life where my world gets really quiet. It’s more than introspection…yes, there are a lot of questions teeming around inside of my heart. yes, i’m trying to *think* and *reason* my way into the answers to those questions. yes, i get physically quiet. i don’t feel much like sharing my thoughts, so i’m not speaking, not writing. not reaching out. my closest kindreds recognize these times and poke (gently)…”hey, you alright in there?”

this is one of those times. though it feels a little different, less heavy and more productive. there have been some true, honest, and beautiful realizations that make me so excited for the time when i come out of this cocoon…and there have been some really tough moments of realization of just how hard i can be on myself. yesterday i was listening to a yoga DVD (foundations by hillary rubin – it’s great. one of those that’s for beginners but is also so deep that practiced yogis will really appreciate the wisdom. i’ll have copies of it in the studio soon for you). i say listening rather than doing because i felt so tapped of energy and sad that i went to my mat with the intention of practicing along with hillary rubin, but instead found myself in a restorative pose (reclining goddess – oh how i love that name, and it’s as blissful as it sounds!) and stayed in it for most of the length of the DVD. but i listened. hillary has a a unique perspective and she said something that was like putting her finger directly on a little point of my heart and i started weeping. early on in the practice she has us in cat pose and says “how do you see yourself” and i suddenly really heard the things i’ve been saying to myself.

i’ve had enough therapy and done enough meditation to know that there is an ongoing monologue within all of us…and i’ve listened to my inner voice and worked on changing that recording. hence my “blissful*thinking” blog. i’ve always known and believed in the power of a postive thought process. somewhere along the line, though, i stopped paying attention and that voice has become, well, cruel. my voice tells me i’m not good enough in a variety of ways, using many different tactics and lots of “you should have’s…” and “why didn’t you…” and has now added “how could you…” and even direct insults. i remembered hearing myself insulting my own knees earlier in the day. to be honest, I’ve never paid much attention to what my knees looked like, but suddenly my voice is telling me they look like saggy, baggy elephant knees. what a waste of time, this voice.

but really all of it, every last bit of it, comes back to fear. the voice is just a way of holding myself back so that i don’t move forward, don’t take risks. and ultimately don’t become fully open to my own possibility.

i’m capping this introspective time with two weeks away in september. i’m blocking out some time to do a solo road trip to new hampshire to be with all the lovelies at the squam art workshops. then i’ll head back south for a week deep in the woods, by a river, with lots of trees. a quiet, lovely, art, nature, book and writing-filled soul retreat. i’ve never done anything like this before. i’ve never allowed myself to think i deserved a break. but something in my body has recently said “enough!”  i need it to be a week of sleep, yummy food, and soul work – and i would oh so love some suggestions on things to read or do to help guide this work while i’m there.  i’m so, so grateful to those in my life that are making it possible -  my friends for letting me hide away in their cabin, the instructors that have been and will be teaching my classes, elizabeth at squam for being so encouraging and telling me i belong there. i’m quite honestly, seriously scared. but i’m going for it anyway. i wonder how i’ll see myself when i get back.

a quick wave hello…

hello lovelies! just popping in for little wave (hello!). it’s busy here in my world with comings and goings, friends in need, kitties, doggies, and souls to feed, visitors, family, traffic…oh it goes on and on…but i promise i’m taking time every day to stop and breathe and notice. i believe gratitude is a practice, in much the same way that yoga or pranayama or meditation are practices. i feel it’s something i need to consciously do ~ carve time out of my busy life to acknowledge just how good things are, those tiny details. last night driving south to visit the family i had this moment of complete and total, well, awe at the sun. our sun. our STAR. how profound and magical it is that our little planet circles around this huge firey ball of energy and it’s so far away, and it heats us up, and burns our skin. and then the full moon rose up over the ocean and i sat in awe again. the moonlight reflecting on the water, and remembering that really it’s just the sunlight reflecting off the face of the moon…magic.

so excuse me for waxing a bit there…what i really came here to say is thank you. these are just a few of the things i’m thankful for today, right now, in this moment:

the tiny little signs i’m given that show me all is moving as it should…

the way the universe responds when i put something out there with honest purity…

big crazy rainstorms and the rainbows that sometimes follow…

my love doggie…

fresh peaches…

creating the people who invented guitars and banjos and then creating many more talented lovely people to play them…

feeling filled with hope when sometimes i get so sad…

vinho verde…

mermaids, fairies, fireflies, ladybugs, gorillas, elephants, & babies of all kinds…

tom robbins & clarissa pinkola estes…

colors…

little white star flowers with black centers and pineapple-like buds that i had never seen before until today…

simone (have i told you about simone  yet!?)…

all the lovelies in my life…

my enigmatic, harley-riding, namaste-sayin’ colorist who cracks me up monthly and keeps me from looking my age…

squam…(oh, oh, oh, soon!)…

yoga…

…and most importantly LOVE!

what are you thankful for?

…

we are goddesses…

one of the things i love about teaching yoga is how ancient wisdom seems to come tumbling out of me…the process is fascinating. so often i don’t even know what i’m saying and quite honestly i haven’t thought much about any big, overarching lesson for the class. my classes tend to be more serendipitous. they come together like giant puzzles, as i have in mind a pinnacle pose i’d like to work into the sequence, and i’ll pick a starting posture depending on the energy of the room and basically weave our way to that pinnacle pose in a hopefully unique way – putting the puzzle pieces together as we go. but as i guide students through a flow or into a restorative posture and i feel the posture in my own mind, my own memory, i hear words, ideas, thoughts and feelings filling the space occupied by my voice.  it’s as if a channel has opened. sometimes i have no idea where it comes from – something i absorbed along my path, something that became clear within my body during my own practice, but not consciously perhaps. at other times i know exactly where it comes from, and it is as if teaching, guiding seems to be a part of the assimilation process of the knowledge. today…it was about goddess wisdom.

i’ve come to understand that i’m on a journey common to all women. it is an awakening into the nature of myself as feminine and powerful and necesssary. just typing those words and owning up to that vision feels awkward still, as i’ve only just recently leapt into the fire of this transformation – and “blissful” thinking aside – it’s not easy. my experience of our culture has thus far given lip-service to this idea of egalitarianism. the personal life i’ve chosen has been occupied almost exclusively by men, for reasons i’m only now beginning to understand, and i’ve been metaphorically pat on the head for my “cute” ideas about spirituality and yoga (and astrology and my creative endeavors, etc.). but i have much strength and there is endless female wisdom to embody…and our energy as women is needed. now. to heal our world, our planet, our communities, our families. to balance the destruction of shiva, the creative shakti needs to rise up within us. we need to hear and re-create our myths and rituals and our storyline needs to be told.

mostly, we need to remember that we are goddesses.

lovelovelove

*

Honoring Guruji…

Sri K. Pattabhi Jois 1915-2009

As one person wrote today “my heart needs company…”

Guruji, as he is affectionately know, died today in India at the age of 93. He is one of the guiding lights of Yoga and the leading force behind Ashtanga Yoga. I believe he’s gone on to some place wonderful and I know the beauty of his teachings will live on through the many gifted men and women he has touched…

some of his wisdom…

~ Ahhh Samdhi. Yoga is Samadhi. God is One. Yoga is One. Philosophy is One. That is All.

~ Practice. All is coming.

~ Yoga is 99% Practice. 1% Theory.

~ Yoga is possible for anybody who really wants it. Yoga is universal. Yoga is not mine. But don’t approach yoga with a business mind looking for worldly gain. If you want to be near God, turn your mind toward God and practice yoga. As the sutras say “without yoga practice, how can knowledge give you moksha (liberation)?

~ Inhale, and God approaches you. Hold the inhalation, and God remains with you. Exhale, and you approach God. Hold the exhalation, and surrender to God.  (from Krishnamacharya – Guruji’s teacher)

Safe travels, beloved Guruji…

…

(one) of the loves of my life…

painted by one of the most inspiring yogini artists i know – the divine shirley ruff!

this surprise portrait of me with my loveboy…little duncan…showed up today. i’m so honored and love it so so so much. she was able to really capture the essence of this sweet doggie. the studio walls are filled with shirley’s work and i love her colors and lines and vision. thank you shirley, from the bottom of my heart.

lovelovelove

today i choose authenticity…